[ cheering ]
[ singing in native language ]
Ah ha!
Back from the dead, assholes!
[ Ewoks screaming ]
[ laughs ]
Oh ho ho!
Boba's got himself a lightsaber now!
Oh ho ho ho ho!
Make it two!
Ooh, red and blue.
When l put it together, what does it make?
Purple rain!
Oh, ho, no, he's gettin' away!
What's this button here?
Says ''long-range missile.''
Couldn't possibly -- could it?
[ laughs ]
Oh ho, and the quarterback is toast!
Oh, Boba!
Hey, hey, he got the girl.
What's with all the clothing?
Why don't you -- there's more comfortable.
Right on.
Oh, careful of the antenna, baby.
And that would be the most awesomest thing
to ever happen in the history of ever!
Can somebody get me a sock?
[ laughs evilly ]
[ mechanical breathing ]
[ laughs evilly ]
DVD-Rip and Synch by BaZi www.divxplanet.com
[ laughs evilly ]
Hey, you're gonna be mad, Alfonso.
l haven't had time to get it cut, and my hair is whaaah!
Don't worry!
We will have you looking perfect, sir!
[ laughs ] Uh-oh!
Look at you!
You look crazy!
l know. l look crazy.
Well, let's get started.
And how is the Empire coming along?
Last time, you were very excited about your Death Star.
Let's just say we're already building another one.
Uh-oh!
Yeah, l've got Vader on it.
Ugh. Just saying his name stresses my ass!
[ cell phone rings ]
ALFONSO: Uh-oh!
Yeah?
Turn your head for me, please.
You lost them?
Uh-oh!
l-l can't hold your hand anymore, Vader.
A hand l gave you, l might add!
No! No! Shut up!
Uh-oh!
l-l-l got to put you on hold!
l just want to throw myself in a hot bath and cry.
Oh, no!
You're looking for some guys?
What about a bounty hunter?
A what, now?
You know, a guy who looks for a guy for money.
My sister's dating one.
Alfonso, you're a lifesaver!
What's your midichlorian count?
Seriously, what do we need to do?
We put an ad in the paper.
Bounty hunters from everywhere are looking, looking, looking,
and then we got this guy!
l like it.
And l like where this is going!
Well, you got the face for it!
Fight fans!
lt's the Geonosian Separatist Hot Pod Summer Championship!
Championship!
Kick it to the Geonosian Arena this Saturday and Sunday.
Sunday, Sunday.
Featuring the 50,000 credit battle for
the ''Monster Beast Challenge Series.''
With Acklay!
Monster Beast!
Reek!
Monster Beast!
And Nexu!
Taking on two robe-clad, Force-mad,
dead-eye Jedi warriors!
Force mad!
Tickets now at all holo-tron outlets
and Geonosian Arena box office.
This Saturday, 7:30 p.m.!
Special show, Sunday 1 :30!
Bring the kids!
Only at the Geonosian Arena.
lt's awesome, awesome, awesome!
Luke, what's wrong?
l just can't believe Ben's gone.
Oh!
Did the 80-year-old man you just met yesterday die?
l mean, sorry if l didn't notice.
l was a little busy thinking about my entire family
and the other 2 billion people from Alderaan
who were just vaporized into dust 'bout three hours ago.
[ beeping ]
Gary, where is Jessica?
lsn't today ''Take Your Daughter to Work Day?''
(sighs ) No one actually does that.
Gary, you promised.
Keep your head down, Jessica!
Okay, daddy! Oh!
Mr. Fuzzybottom!
[ groans ]
Oh! Ugh!
Ahhh! Ahh!
[ panting ] Here you go, baby.
VADER: Who is this little girl?
Oh! Lord Vader!
Uh...it's ''Take Your Daughter to Work Day, ''
and l know, uh -- you know, l'm sorry for bringing her,
but my wife says l never see her,
and -- and let's be honest. She's right.
Okay? She's right.
Do you have kids?
'Cause, l mean, they change your world.
Oh, l'm probably gonna get fired for this, but [bleep] it.
l love my daughter.
That really hits me where l live.
What have you done with those plans?
Gary here never sees his daughter
because of people like you!
[ bones snap ]
l'm so sorry you had to see that.
Are you having fun, being at work with your father?
Mmmm.
[ laughs ]
l know, l'm scary.
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Yes, they are.
Move along.
Daddy, you're not even trying!
Baby, it is 165 degrees on this planet!
l can't hear in this thing!
l was just repeating what l thought the guy was saying!
lt's not like it's my own mother[bleep] thought on the matter, okay?!
[ crying ]
Hon-- oh!
Baby!
See?
That's why l don't take my daughter to jack [bleep].
Make her tell us the location of the rebel base.
Good god, man!
l'm a doctor, not a savage!
This is a flu shot! Good day, sir!
You will make her --
l said, ''good day, sir!''
What the...
You trying to drown that kid?
What are you injecting there?
ls this the bloody Dark Ages?!
Why don't you just throw some leeches in there!
Oh, nobody listen to Dr. Ball.
He's just an old fool!
She's lost the will to live?!
What is your degree in, poetry?
You sorry bunch of hippies.
For god's sakes, don't use the billions of dollars
of medical equipment around us.
Why don't we all just get on our knees and pray?
We don't have knees, you mother[bleep].
Okay, kid, Mr. Ackbar here
is ready to take this ad campaign coast to coast.
What have you come up with?
[ knuckles crack ]
' Ackbar's fish sticks from the sea '
' They cook so tender and flaky '
' Whip some up for you and me '
' To pass them up is a big mistakey '
' Yeah '
''Big mistakey''?
lt's a no, guys.
[ all groan ] What? That's nuts.
l think it works better as an instrumental anyway.
There's one.
Set for stun.
Ugh!
He said stun.
[ crying ]
lt wasn't gonna hurt ya.
He said stun.
[ beeping ]
[ roars ]
[ screeches, gasps ]
[ beeping ]
[ alarm blaring ]
[ glug! glug! glug! glug! ]
Whoo!
Go to the Jedi Temple.
Do what must be done.
Mr. Skywalker.
What's going on?
All of you line up, oldest to youngest.
What for, sir?
Um...a treat.
[ excited chattering ]
Um...everyone just, uh, close your eyes real tight
and put your fingers in your ears.
No peeking.
Mr. Skywalker, can my treat just be a hug?
You can do this, Anakin.
Just -- just go to your happy place.
Oh, remember the fields of Naboo, where you fell in love.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, nature!
l feel alive!
Oh, yeah!
Aah, hyah!
Oh, l'm so in love.
Aah, hyah!
Ra-a-a-r!
[ laughing ] Where are you going?
Come here.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
That was nice.
Anakin, l'm home!
ANAKlN: Oh, good.
l left you some fresh-cut sunflowers on the dining table.
Oh, Anie, that is so sweet of you...
[ glass shatters ] [ screams ]
Our forces are almost in place.
[ engine revving ]
This is General Veers.
Begin your attack.
Yeeeee-haw!
What the hell are you doing?
Slow down.
Ow!
Ooh!
Here they come!
They're beautiful!
You just passed them.
You got to tur-- look out!
[ AT-AT squealing ]
Yeah!
- That was awesome! - That was fantastic!
Whoo-hoo!
General Veers, report on the attack.
Uh, uh...
- Ha ha!
Whoo! l love this thing!
This is it, mom.
Everyone has a destiny, and mine is just over that horizon.
Krayt, listen to reason.
The elders all say it's just a never-ending
ocean of desert out there.
Oh, pishposh.
What kind of cruel god would create a whole planet
defined by just one topographical feature?
Why, that'd be as ridiculous as a whole world
made of nothing but ice, lava, or forest.
No, sometimes you just have to dig deep down
inside yourself and find the courage to say,
look out, world.
Here comes Krayt Dragon.
What is thy bidding, my master?
My bidding?
How about l bid thee to stop ramming the ship
into [bleep] asteroid fields?
Can you handle that?
l'm trying.
Yeah? Well, there is no try.
There's do and there's [bleep]ing up royal.
And you are [bleep]ing up royal,
so l'm hiring bounty hunters to do the job.
But l --
No buts. lt's already ringing.
You look so tiny down there,
like a little mean pepper shaker.
Sheila, hey, it's Palpatine.
Listen, l need you to place an ad for me, will you?
lmperial Emperor seeking bounty hunters to,
um -- to find and locate -- yeah,
l guess that is the same thing.
Okay, to locate the Millennium Falcon.
She's typing.
So all you see is my head, huh?
Can you see this?
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-op! Up!
- Yes, l c-- - No, l'm here.
Right.
Oh, and be sure to mention some kind of a reward.
What? Oh, l don't know.
How much do you think?
Really? That seems a little high to me.
No, l see your point.
l tell you what, why don't we just say ''substantial reward''
and leave it at that?
Okay, thanks, Sheila.
What?
[ sighs ] Sure. What's his name?
Dengar?
Sounds good.
Yeah, no, we'll bring him in first thing.
Okay. Okay, bye-bye.
Sheila's husband's a bounty hunter.
l told her we'd give him a look-see.
[ mechanical breathing ]
Bet that knee's starting to hurt.
ANNOUNCER: Sally Johnson is a real person, not an actor,
so to tell her story, we hired the star of ''Phantom Menace.''
l was driving down my street when a truck hit me head-on.
Osa-noes!
There's a truck a-comin'!
Aaaah!
We's-a gonna die!
Yes.
l was fine, but the car was totaled.
Whoo-ee patootie!
lt's a mess!
Got the engine over here,
but the wheel for steerin' way over there!
Aah!
My agent at Gecko lnsurance sent me a check right away.
You-sa not even gonna believe this.
Ja wheh.
We win da money.
We win da money!
Wha-aaaah! Whoa!
Um, l think l was explaining it better than he was.
Gecko -- real help. Real money.
Me-sa thinks me broke me bombad spine!
Did -- did they say cut?
Bounty hunters?
We don't need their scum.
My brother's a bounty hunter, Gareth.
There will be a substantial reward
for whoever captures the Millennium Falcon.
ls he paying attention?
[ mechanical breathing ]
[ horn sounds, crowd cheering ]
Can't wait to get started, right, fellas?
Got to hunt that bounty, but the bounty's in the hunt,
l always say.
Tricks of the trade, trade secret --
disintegration devices.
D-guns, D-bombs, D-missiles.
l'm the disintegration machine.
Want a guy disintegrated, get me integrated.
That's Dengar's motto.
l want them alive.
No disintegrations.
As you wish.
Aw, shucks.
See you at the finish line, a-hole.
- Where my keys? - Best bounty hunter in the league.
Better stop soft-shoeing boss.
We are bounty hunters!
l got to say, Boba, this is one beauty of a ship.
l'm not crazy about the name, though.
l've made a deal that will keep the Empire
out of our affairs forever.
[ roars ]
We'd be honored if you could join us.
[ grumbling ]
[ slurping ]
C-can l get a little more water?
- What? - Nothing!
[ clears throat ] l just asked for more water.
Hmm?
Keek!
[ growls ]
Peow!
[ blowing ]
[ imitates creaking ]
[ growls ]
So, how we doing?
Leia, how's the soup?
You ever had soup this good?
Yes, on Alderaan.
Hey, Princess, let it g-o-o-o-o-o-o.
''Oh, help me.
We're a peaceful planet.''
''You may fire when ready.''
Ka-bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-om!
Big laser.
[ imitates gunfire ]
Alderaan chunks everywhere.
Psheeeew!
Anyone, uh -- anyone got a joke?
l've got one.
Who's got two thumbs and betrayed his best friend?
This guy!
[ laughs ]
Uh, too soon?
Well, it's been a time and a half.
But -- [ yawns ] lot of torturing to do.
A-broo-boo-boo.
Do-de-da-le-do-do.
Aroooo!
Hi. Have you or someone you know
been permanently handicapped by a Jedi?
lf so, call me, Bob Goldstein, at Naboo-5-SUE-JEDl.
l'll get you the money you deserve fast.
l have over 10 years experience,
and l'm ready to work for you.
At last we will have our revenge.
You call now.
l love you.
l know.
[ moans ]
That l did not know.
Leia and the Wookiee must never again leave this city.
That was never a condition of our arrangement,
nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter.
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal's getting worse all the time.
Furthermore, l wish you to wear this dress and bonnet.
This was never a condition of our arrangement.
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal's getting worse all the time.
Here is a unicycle.
You will ride it wherever you go.
What? l'm not riding no [bleep] unicycle!
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal is getting worse all the time!
Also, you are to wear these clown shoes
and refer to yourself as Mary.
Oh [bleep] you, man!
l'm not doing it!
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal...
is very fair, and l'm happy to be a part of it.
[ shoe squeaks ]
Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy
as father and son.
Father and son?
Huh.
' Think of all the time we wasted '
' So many plans we never made '
Okay, don't let go.
Don't let go, dad.
Don't -- don't let go.
l'm doing it! Whoo!
l'm doing it!
Dad!
Yeah!
[ dance music plays ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
' Crack, jam, take it down, slam it '
' Pick it back up, but don't forget to ram it '
' l make the rounds, then l double back '
' 'Cause l'm doubling twice around '
' l make the rounds, then l double back '
' 'Cause l'm doubling twice around '
' l make the rounds '
Father and son.
Wh-wh-aaaaah!
- Aah! - What?
Oh, l said, aah, l can't believe this apartment's
priced so low.
lt's got a washer and dryer, central air.
What does this do?
You know, l'm not quite sure.
Uh, garbage disposal?
Aaah!
Well, apparently it does nothing.
How's the cable in this place?
Crystal clear satellite TV.
Aah! Ugh!
[ scoffs ]
Cloud City.
More like Crap City if you ask me.
l'll have the calamari.
Well, l guess l'll have the insensitive bitch,
with a side of [bleep] you.
Aaaaah!
Hello! Meant to do it.
Thank goodness.
l thought l was doing this
thousand years of digestion alone.
How did you fall in?
What? Fell in?
Ha ha! Volunteered, more like it.
You should've seen it.
You would've dug it the most.
l was flying around with my jet pack,
just smokin' rebels with my laser.
Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom.
Han Solo was all, ''hey, wait.''
And l'm like, ''oh, l've been waiting
for this for a long time, Solo.''
Ba-bang!
The big, bad Wookiee be growling in hell now.
l even put one between Skywalker's eyes,
right between those pretty baby blues.
But then Jabba the Hutt was all,
''oh, no, this guy's too badass, man.''
So then 80 Jedi showed up.
l took out about 67 of them,
but then 20 dudes finally flanked me.
And l was like, ''you know what, kids?
lt's been real, daddy-o, but l'm not giving you the pleasure.''
So l jumped into the pit myself.
On the way down, l was thinking,
maybe l should have left 'em a party favor.
Oh, l did -- a thermo detonator right up their ass.
Ba-boom!
Oh, that's awesome.
At least you didn't go out like a punk.
Yeah.
Oh, 'cause l looked like a badass.
[ sniffles ]
[ sobbing ]
Are you crying?
No. Huh?
That's funny.
[ sniffles ]
Da-da-da daaaaa-da.
l'm okay.
Welcome, my master.
The Death Star construction --
Yeah, great. Fine. Whatever.
That flight was a [bleep] nightmare, man.
My stupid tray table broke,
and l ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch.
lt's like dunking my wang in hot lava,
something you have some experience with, l guess, huh?
- Right? - Yes.
Ha ha!
ls that yours?
No, for the hundredth time,
that's that same stupid black bag.
Mine doesn't have a stripe.
lt's like that stripy bag is mocking me.
[bleep] you, stripy bag.
Well, my suitcase is gone.
Sacrificed to the airport gods.
Now l'm here for two [bleep] weeks with one [bleep] robe.
All right, now it's sticking to me like a wet Kleenex.
Wow, for real?
Yeah, guess l'll just be killing myself, then.
Good chair, good chair.
Nice lumbar support.
Great view of...utter blackness.
[ air-conditioning humming ]
Oh, for -- l'm right under the air-conditioning vent.
And the chair's bolted to the floor?
Who's the brainiac --
Hey, Crayola, help me shut this vent.
Yeah, reach up there with your Staff of Ra and --
[ air gusting ]
Hey, want to see me tempt fate?
Could this day get any worse?
l did it ironically, so l think l'm safe.
What are you doing? Put me down.
Aaaah!
[ chickens clucking ''Star Wars'' theme ]
Convene all ships on Endor.
l want the moon obliterated
and the Rebels wiped from the face of the galaxy.
Sorry, sir.
Actually, we can't.
The Rebels have won.
What do you mean, they won?
We have tens of thousands of ships.
- We -- we control countless worlds. - Yeah.
We have millions of troops at our disposal.
But they just blew up the second Death Star
and killed the Emperor.
So?
So, that means they won.
How does that mean they won?
They blew up the first Death Star years ago,
and the fighting continued.
Yes, but they didn't kill the Emperor.
They had to do both.
We can't fight back?
No. Sorry.
This is the end of the Empire.
Really?
Yeah, 'fraid so.
That's it, then.
What do we do now?
l guess we can go get a massage.
Let's do that.